irreplaceable role of the father ANDRZEJ K. ŁADYŻYŃSKI
masculinity as a way to fatherhood
text comes from the quarterly Spiritual Life, Summer 47/2006
Since the dawn of history education to fulfill any role of the sexes took place resulting in a sense, unconsciously and without intellectual directing the mind in these spheres. Not associated with this discussion, what is masculine or feminine, and accepting the roles were treated as natural as breathing. The last decades of our lives, however, brought change. Under the influence of intellectual currents, controlled by various feminist, began to ask himself about sex and its role. After years of discussion, research and presentation of femininity in all its aspects are increasingly also raises questions of masculinity.
The masculinity can be viewed from different perspectives. The simplest definition is that the man is a man of male sexuality and gender and can be dealt with on many levels: biological, anthropological, psychological, sociological, legal, theological first Understanding the Bible to suggest that masculinity, like femininity, is part of the image of God: the image of God he created them male and female (Gen. 1, 27). Both masculinity and femininity mean the dual character of human somatic constitution - John Paul II wrote. These human characteristics are not just personality, but masculinity and femininity are the second element osobowotwórczy On one hand, men are different from women. And again, referring to the Pope, we can say that "femininity somehow finds himself in the face of masculinity, while masculinity is confirmed by the femininity" 3 Masculinity is seen here as the opposition to femininity, a constitutive element of "tension" existing between the representatives of the two sexes. You can define a man as someone who is living in a kind of confrontation with a woman. It is not the enemy, but partner. This opposition is the development of both. This keeps the voltage difference between two equally "valuable particles" all that is man. Dichotomy is lifelong. Makes it difficult to fully place yourself as a woman when a man and a man, when you're a woman. Impossible is a role reversal, because they are inscribed in nature. The beautiful book-witness of a life of Alan Medingera author argues that masculinity is doing things that men do. For these activities include physical activity, the desire to win, the desire to lead and find agreement with other planes, men fourth
In turn, the images of contemporary culture there are different definitions and models of masculinity. We have a positive model, namely a man acting as a guardian of children or a man supporting a woman companion. However, it is masculine and reduced to a volume of muscles, strength physical courage, sexuality associated with flat performance in the alcove, in addition, not even in marriage, but some random, with no future and obligations, without love and faithfulness. We meet masculinity "castrated" from the depth of experience, irresponsible, preserved at the stage of a teenage boy. Strength
patterns
blessing for the manhood boy is meeting the man in your life that you would like to emulate, and which could be inspired. Ideally, this was a self- father. Unfortunately, in a world in which we live, we do not suffer an excess of fathers, good enough. The current, however, is whether they have ever had in abundance 5? If you look at the past - my male ancestors - I notice a kind of life children unsaturation presence of fathers. This sad and shows that it is not just "the wine of our times," or that we do not live in an era devoid of fatherhood in particular. Today, however, is clearly a shortage or absence of the father is often felt in a special way. Accompanied us are aware of the loss. In the reasons for the trauma children are broken marriage, which is born single parenthood, informal relationships, associated in a non-permanent foundations of common life, or too light treatment from the sphere of gender issues.
other day with her young daughter, then who is still in preschool, I participated in the Mass. for preschoolers and their parents. Just in this Sunday marked the gospel of ślepcu healed by Jesus. A young priest, leading the homily, he did with the children exercise. To visualize the kids, which means there is nothing to see, he suggested: "Zasłońcie eyes." He asked: "What you see how you are blindfolded? And what if it odsłonicie? ". Several children stated to what, or rather, who they see. One of the boys mentioned the members of his family. Another toddler, said: "And I even like the eyes exposed non, it still can not see my daddy." Then I thought, as it was a symbolic return. Yet many children could say the same thing. We live in a time of deficit or his father's disappearance from view of the child. And for his father's failure to comply with an element of everyday life is a tremendous loss. My father retreating from the life of a child hurts them. Guardian, not radzŕc with a sobre, their emotions, Moye escape in alcohol, too much work or pasjć. Even well-prosperujŕcy business is sometimes formŕ mćýczyzny detachment from the toil of education, swoistŕ fasadŕ apparent mćskoúci for którŕ lurks sic lck to the challenges of fatherhood.
are necessary for the child's role models. Hope is that even without his father's family generally has a potential of masculinity. Of course, grandparents, uncles, friends home do not give as much as his father, but the boy's desire to have a man by his side, and actually stand by him. And then this alternate representative of the stronger sex may prove invaluable. Thus, if at all possible, you should provide contact with a male child. It is his great need, even if niewyartykułowana. Sometimes there has been a kind of bonding with children for wanting her father to men who are close. This confirms the great need to accompany the "guy". One of the sons of my friends, if it was nearby - usually a very busy father of krzątający at home or at times he could accompany him, imitating him, trying to work the male way of doing this with admirable passion.
young man mature man is essential as air, like water. Is a kind of fire to stimulate the activities of life. Preschooler will desire to be like his father. If you ask four sons, stating that "there is nothing like my dad." Say it with sparks admiration in his eyes. As the teenagers grow up, this contest the rapture. It's natural. Starting from the period of adolescence, the boy will be closely watched actions of his father, analyzing them, and gradually seeing more the advantages of his conduct. After all, will be as provided in the community grow from a good father. At the beginning of maturity, it would be good to have someone to light, who can help wade through the chaos of adolescence, someone who knows what it means to be male. According to the bits of overheard a password, which source I am not able to clarify, the boy says: "When I was seven years old, my dad knew everything, and when I was fourteen, my father knew nothing, and when I was twenty-one years, I noticed that learns quickly ". Thus, if my father is good enough and satisfy life of his son masculinity, will tell him what for him would be potential in the future. Raising the masculinity
In the world of people involved in education there is a belief that words do not mean much. Children do not listen to what adults say to them, but imitate the actions of adult members of society. Therefore, enough so to design your life to be a witness. It is easy to articulate, in theory, but practice everyday enchanting child, worthy of imitation, is the road of trudnŕ. For mćskoúci and, consequently, to fatherhood raises sic community. Best is peůna, healthy family. The fundamental thesis naleýy, Ye family education is best prognosis if MRY and Yona tworzŕ zwiŕzek peůen trwaůy and satisfaction, wspólnotć miůoúci. This is the best base, a kind of guarantor of success in education.
Ku masculinity educates a man. The Boy in the environment, women are not able to fully acquire masculinity. This value is acquired through sex intercourse. This happens in the course of a long process. It begins in early childhood. And again will call on Medingera, saying that "the boy looks around, searching for the person whose existence uświadomiłoby him who he is. Is no need for a separate identity from the mother, and is not able, obviously, to create it from the air or by theoretical considerations. Oh, and saw my daddy or someone who is his substitute. Daddy is someone "different", but the boy feels he is like him. Dad is interested in him, and he needing identity, establish contact and identify with daddy. Begins to imitate what he was doing his father. My father is for the sole pattern of behavior, at least until they appear in his life other important boys or men "6 The boy opens his men's adventure of becoming aware of similarities to his father, identify with him. Expects him affirmation. Guest father become important and in all "male" issues crucial for the boy. In looking for a representative of her gender confirmation of strength and fitness. It shows him appearing muscles and shows off the possibilities, hoping for attention, appreciating his efforts. He wants to father was proud of him. Impresses He is all male. He is fascinated by the world, whose doors gradually repeals the father, provided that it is present and participates in the life of her son. Acceptance of the father becomes the son's desire, which are almost never grow. In adolescence, however, the boy will expand a group of people, from which he can reap the affirmations. Come out to peers, to compete with them. This typically occurs in the group. This is a group of young men, to whom the boy wants to belong, and who compete for the palm of priority. In practice, it is also a process that never ends 7th
man in an important stage of development was a process known as empowerment. The modern boy was, however, prevented the survival of this rite of passage. Some time ago could be a form of military service, adopting a boy and allows him to cross the threshold of manhood after the exercise. Today, however, because of its personal relationships in the army, having little in common with a good initiation, and this fall the way of transition. Therefore, it is difficult to say goodbye to childhood. To some extent, can help you here good sports groups, scouts and Interest, which will require effort from the boys, crossing themselves and their weaknesses.
Equally important will be contesting the attitudes and power of parents, especially my father. Adolescent boy has to fight his battle for independence is. To do so, contests the infallible, omnipotent, yet the decisions of parents. And it does so in order to obtain full autonomy and be able to leave the family in order to make your own. The course of this phase may be turbulent, full of violent expression of emotion in words and actions, but an important stage in the development of young people.
boy must feel that he is loved. The child receives the most important message in many different ways. Becomes valid when it is heard, to feel appreciated when parents focus their attention on him. Is restored to value, where the mother and father spend his time and look straight in the eye. And so, although it is generally harder for a man, he must learn to provide the "evidence of love." Please note that the father has his price for his son. His eyes and attention are of great value. A special role in building relationships with his son fully dotyk. Mężczyźni w kontakcie dotykowym potrafią być bowiem agresywni. Jednak ten przejaw agresji pokazuje, że nie musi być ona niebezpieczna, że może dostać się pod kontrolę rozumu i czemuś służyć, a nie stanowić destrukcyjnej siły. Przykładem są męskie zapasy, mocowania się, na ogół niedostępne i często nawet niezrozumiałe dla kobiet. Ojciec rzucający się na syna, powalający go, „szarpiący się” z nim wspólnie to obraz z wielu domów. To taka zabawa z energią, pełna agresji. Ale jest to również przejaw zdrowego, dobrego kontaktu dotykowego pomiędzy mężczyznami both generations. Education
boy, naturally shaping it to the man at the same time constitutes a form of preparation for fatherhood. It can not be done only in theory. Of course, the various available forms of masculinity are to improve its value. I remember the lessons of fellow-teachers of the subject matter preparation for family life in a men's school, where boys including Learner's bathed in a newborn size doll. Certainly for many of them were important experiences, albeit in class distanced themselves from the fatherhood behaving as though it had only come to them for half a century.
On the basis of manhood is slowly formed in the young man an attitude conducive to fatherhood. This happens evolutionary sense, when the boy increasingly realize that precisely because he is a man, may also be a father. Take the sexual act is, after the decision of potential fatherhood, which comes to man as it were without the "support of nature." A woman becoming pregnant, almost automatically becomes a mother. Male he knows intellectually that he is the father, but I did it "does not feel." His body was not sending any messages signaling a change in your body because that man never occurs.
father's love - love of a mother
Father loves in a different way than the mother. Mother of the baby's existence is enough to endow it with love. Male offspring also a delight, but put him next to the admiration of the requirements. And here again, this difference becomes apparent gender. Therefore the Lord God has providentially called to parenthood married couple, that they can bestow baby love in the balance. Mother surrounded by a love for being a father for the way they act, how hard he tries. Seemingly, we are only dealing with the noble, unconditional acceptance of the conditional admission of women and children by a man. In fact - only together - their love is a form of full, fostering development, accepting, and after-
zwalającą child grow. Both parents in their own way hug a child with his hands. Only those hands are different. Kind of like the canvas of Rembrandt, where the merciful father - The symbol of the Creator - it takes care of the returning son, mother's hand on woman's delicate features and a larger hand man.
If you gain an advantage in the education of the woman, the child gets into the fire of overprotection, excessive energy, which does not make it. There is a joke, quoted by Fr. Pino Pellegrino, which defines what a sweater, saying: "Pedagogy is the definition of sweater: sweater is the garment that the child is put on myself when my mom gets cold." This can be attributed to an anecdote special anti-woman malice, but I see in this rather pragmatic woman and her care. On the other hand, her father is often under-flow situation. In kindergarten I saw this scene: a mother receives from their child, helping him to dress in a frosty winter day, he asks: "Where you have a sweater?". "I have no sweater" - corresponds to the child in accordance with the truth. "How come you do not have this sweater?" - He asks once again been annoyed mother. "Daddy did not give me" - says the little boy. After these words the mother until it turned red with anger. I immediately imagined the sensitivity of the marriage greeting. I also came to a head full of empathy towards the idea of \u200b\u200bthe father. Quickly I came to the conclusion that the same account I have at least a few such "niedoubrań" one of their own children.
If the dominant player becomes a man, a child suffers an excess of the requirements without appropriate care. Thus, a kind of tension between the mother and father keeps in check the desire of each of the parents to play a major role in education. Most preferably, the child is when two carers have their shares. The choice of such a road keep the child in a natural way would be to have had conflicts, but they will adopt an evolving nature and will be served and child, and the entire community.
The father of a child experiencing the presence of difference. He will show him the world, notably guiding the son of the mother "universe" 8 Leaving every mother, father proves that it does not break the ties. Man is a representative of "hard love." And again, no better and no worse, but different. I imagine the scene in which parents teach a child to step on the stairs. My father stands behind his one-year comfort at some distance and verbally encouraged to enter. At the same time is ready to react immediately if the child was going to fall. His mother takes the child with sensitivity of Pag, carrying all his weight, saying "beware, my baby, poor devil runs up the stairs, it completely The standby. Motherhood and fatherhood are two good schools of love, complementing each other, as if two courses a common direction. Fatherhood is as against motherhood, like masculinity against femininity, in a kind of equilibrium, in the dialogue, what's good for you, for me and for our children, in search of optimal solutions. And these are often not easily visible. Influences
good fatherhood
Not all data is to have a father who can rise to the occasion. Although there is always a chance to become a father according to the needs of their children. Even better would be to use forms: to become a father, because the process is ongoing, lasting until the child is. There are opportunities to develop their own paternity. What is needed is awareness of the importance of the role and constant insight into themselves. Are a good idea to talk about the role of parental spouses. Husband and wife pose for each other mirrors, which give the answer to the question of how to function as a mother and father. Good results can share experiences in the communities of people in similar situations. Other fathers are experiencing various difficulties and cope with them. Listen to and discuss the opportunities and possibilities. Dialogue with others can better understand their own problems.
Good practice is very often associated with the theory. We live in a world of possibilities of its acquisition. Appropriate paternal behavior might be shaped by reading. Books on education not lack. One difficulty is a good selection of texts that are consistent with our world of values \u200b\u200band beliefs. Literature of the man is almost fashionable. By the way there is a clear disparity in the literature to call it feminine, to the misery of numerical studies on masculinity. Last year, although the texts abound about the man, but a balance is difficult to speak.
An excellent source to better understand the fatherhood of a Bible. The word "father" appears there many times, in various contexts. Blessed is the fruit may seem to grow in the fatherhood of executives spiritual and prayer for good parenting. The mention of it at the end is not a form of evaluation. I reckon that the importance of dialogue with God in the context of its role as father is huge. Which are the responsibility of fatherhood and the realm of great importance should be permeated by the constant asking for God's grace.
Ładyżyński Andrew K. (b. 1961), educator, lecturer at the Institute of Education, University of Wroclaw. Adoption is a gift has published (co-author).
1 See B. Mierzwiński, A man, being unknown, Warsaw 1999, p. 19
2 Cf John Paul II, Man and female he created them, Vatican City, 1986, p. 41
3 Ibid, p. 42
4 A. Medinger, Journey to the fullness of manhood, Poznań 2005, p. 39 5 See J.
Kłys, I understand fatherhood, "Studies on the Family", 2 / 1999, p. 2
6 A. Medinger, lc, p. 45
7 Cf ibid, p. 50 8 Cf
L. Schon, sons and fathers. The longing for the absent father, Gdańsk 2002, p. 51
text comes from the quarterly Spiritual Life, Summer 47/2006
